I have been married for all of 2 minutes and I find myself already composing this article so please bear with me as I stumble to find the words. Sure, there have been thousands, if not millions of people who have voiced their experiences about marriage. Some have included tips, others mere observations and well a few had left me reconsidering doing the marriage thing at all.
So what is it about matrimony that entices people to tilt to one extreme or the other? I actually have no idea but my theory is quite simple:
I often found that in most situations, people usually speak from experience. It’s very rare that you find someone offering their opinion based on just what they have heard. The real passion comes from experiencing something to the point whereby it imprints a certain feeling within you. Okay seriousness aside, you get what I mean! Here is what I have personally experienced about marriage:
Speaking about opinions, what is it about weddings that make people want to voice theirs. Especially to two very busy, obviously in love and quite frankly vulnerable people who are about to tie the knot? Not even a day after my hubby proposed to me did I start to really notice how passionate people were about marriage. In the duration of the engagement, I heard everything from “marriage is amazing” to “say goodbye to your freedom” – and the latter was the mildest of the many I had heard.
In a time of what I anticipated would be a beautiful haze, people just could not hold back on telling me how bad marriage is and how it would mean you would lose yourself, your individuality and your freedom. After a few months of it, I started to take offense at the accusations of how wives are complete nags and husbands are complete dogs. I couldn’t help but wonder why people felt the need to offload their baggage onto my pending marriage. And then it hit me. It was THEIR baggage. Everything that everyone said to me about marriage was a result of what they experienced in theirs. It was incredibly sad to see so many unhappy people. Some quite obvious and others on the lowkey. After a while the frustration of hearing all the negativity became sympathy. Sympathy for people who in some way, already gave up on their marriage and felt like they had to warn newlyweds of a similar “danger”.
Amidst all the dull nancies were the few gems. The couples who shared their beautiful stories, practical advice and their support for what was going to be an amazing and new chapter in our lives. It was the people who inspired me unknowingly. My advice to newlyweds or soon to be newlyweds is to latch on to that good energy and let it fuel you as you navigate through the pre-wedding prep and the days to come.
I have not really formed a solid opinion of marriage yet apart from the fact that I love it and it has in no way infringed on my personality or my independence. Having said that I fully support my husband’s passion so I think it is safe to assume I have not cramped up his style either. I guess we can either continue to let people’s ideologies govern the way we perceive marriage or we can just experience it for ourselves. Going into it with an open mind that is not influenced by those rantings of insecure people.
You may have heard this before, but so far marriage appears to be what you make of it. So make it AMAZING!!!